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so i've been getting back into playing guitar again recently.
i've picked a specific song1, and i'm trying to learn it to a specific standard, which helps a lot with keeping motivation and discipline. still though, when i picked my guitar up for the first time in a while the other day, it fucking sucked. my fingers felt like they weren't moving right, i couldn't pick quickly or accurately enough, nothing sounded right to my ears. i spent ten minutes of my life trying to understand the most basic harmony2.
but you know what? i kept going until i'd used my time up, i put the guitar down feeling terrible about it, and then the next day i picked it back up and it all felt so much easier. the third day i picked up my guitar a few times just to mess around and play it because i was having fun doing it. obviously i'm still not perfect, but screw it, i'm enjoying myself.
i'm so aware in my mind of how yeah, obviously, you can just practice things and you will get better at them, but it still surprises me a little every time.
this blog was the same, in a lot of ways. i started this because i wanted to say things, but also because i desperately wanted to be the kind of person who had things to say. and i say that this has gone badly, as i knew i would, but maybe i'm just being unnecessarily hard on myself. of course this is going to start off slowly and badly. this is a muscle, as much as climbing or playing guitar is, and i can't expect to be good at it when i never exercise.
i find that it's easy for me to have thoughts in my head that i know, but i don't feel. i find that often, things aren't real until someone says them. maybe by writing this, by saying this out loud, i can get a bit closer to convincing myself that it's true.
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