013 - (too late for) preventative maintenance(?)

14 May, 2025

my bike is in a really bad state.

the back shifter got kicked in at one point, so two of those gears aren't really usable without it making a horrid grinding noise. the cable for the front gear broke (and i dropped and lost the retaining nut trying to fix it), so you can't change that gear. sometimes it slips, and you need to jam your foot in while peddling forwards to push it back. there's a slow leak, so you need to put air in the back tyre before you leave.

still though, i ride it to work every day. i inflate the tyre and strain myself up hills in third gear and occasionally mash my boot against the chain when it starts making horrid noises. it's fine. it gets me places. it works, despite the times i'll ride home on a flat tyre, or the way my legs are always a bit tired on the last stretch home after the big hill.

despite my best efforts, this kind of thing seems to permeate my life. i'm so used to all the random pauses and dialogs required to get through the odd parts of my computer i mess it up when they're not there. i've learned the exact sequence of steps to take to get out of my bed at night to go to the bathroom without stepping on any of the possessions currently residing on the floor.

a few months ago, someone came into my life, came into my room, and immediately stepped on one of my floor possessions. and then she picked it up, and moved it out of the path.

there’s a saying that people who fancy themselves engineers¹ love; if you don’t schedule time for maintenance for your machines, your machines will schedule it for you, on their terms. it feels like so much of my life has been heading this way lately. my physical equipment, sure, my living space, but also maybe the way i go about the world, my burnout, the way i approach relationships. i've spent so long forgoing maintenance that i'm so afraid that one day the universe will schedule it for me.

but i don't think that means it's all over for me, not yet. my room was in a terrible state back then, and let's be honest, it's in a terrible state now, but that doesn't change that it's a little easier to navigate in the dark now. you can always just improve your life somewhat.

~