015 - messy bitch
this entry came from some feelings, feelings that i've held for a while but have been... scared, almost, to try to put into words. it's something that feels uglier and something i'm less proud of and something where i know my words are flawed and messy and misinterpretable.
and i'm sitting here, looking at the post editor, hovering over the publish button, and i really don't know if i want to press it. i know my words have consequences, always, but - this is my site. i at least get to do it on my terms.
it's funny, how the audience both gives me the motivation to write these at all, and keeps my writing trapped in my own anxieties.
but i can't lie, i do still love an audience. you came to my show, i'd hate to let you down by not performing.
my entry follows. it's encrypted with an OTP, which i no longer hold the key to. fuck you. this one's for me.
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