033 - swimming
it's a cruelly hot summer day
- i'm young enough to not know better
- we're in, what i'd probably refer to now as a "wretched small town"
- my family has gone to the horrible bougie artificial lake to let us splash around in the water
i'm sitting on a cheap inflatable rubber boat
- in spite of it all, the novelty of the situation has me entertained
- the thought crosses my mind; i wonder if i could swim the length of the boat underneath it
- i'm young enough to not know better
i'm under the water
- i push upwards, and my head hits a rubber ceiling
- i realise where my actions have taken me
i'm coughing up water, and i have no memory of how i got there
- i look into my dad's eyes
- my dad looks back, innocent, unaware
it's late at night
- i'm a teenager, though i barely feel it
- i can't sleep, i don't want to sleep
- i've been thinking a lot about drowning
- i've been thinking a lot about dying
it's late in the evening at a party
- i'm in a pool, splashing around, surrounded by friends
- it's the first time i've been in the water in years
- it'll be the last time i'll be in the water for years
- i feel safe
it's an unusually warm night
- i've just spent a weekend with some new friends, with one of the most important people in the world to me
- i'm not ready to die yet